So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
