lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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