i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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