I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
