STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
