When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
