I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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