Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
