guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
