I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
