Banned from zoo.
Again?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
