yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
