I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
