Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
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The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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