butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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