my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
