similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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