matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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