saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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