And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
