That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
