4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
