my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
