i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
They have beer where we have blood.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
