my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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