things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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