FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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