Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
