last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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