I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
