Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
