he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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