shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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