lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
