I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
