So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm both gender and math confused
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
