i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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