she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
two words...techno handjob
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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