I look better un-naked...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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