my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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