The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
