why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
