tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
