I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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