Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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