Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
