News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
