six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
