I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
