her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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