found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
