is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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