i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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