I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
this boner is exhausting
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
