you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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