I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
