i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Quick, to the slutcave!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
