apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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