I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
