Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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