I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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