put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
