$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
