His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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