I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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