so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
