she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
