You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
