It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
