I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
