At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
