Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
