We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
